Is that Oscar I smell?

Film industry trendsetters - take note. I know that adolescent hi-jinks are guaranteed a chuckle from some members of the movie-going audience. I'm thinking specifically of the apparently obligatory "jewel crush" scene, paraded once (if not more) through almost every adolescent-centric comedy. A man brought to his knees from a swift slam to the family jewels. A fall on a fence post, a punch from a toddler, a slide down a banister - pick your poison. It's a quickly-forgotten snicker. A cheap, uncomfortable laugh. The scenes are virtually ubiquitous in some film comedies and I understand that.

But what I propose is the following.

Why don't you, titans of the film industry, work together to make another type of scene just as ubiquitous and obligatory in future films, for those among us who don't giggle at crotch-crushing? Something a little racier, a little sexier, a bit dangerous, pulse-quickening and, quite frankly, one of my secret fetishes! I'm speaking of ......... women in fountains. YAY! Now, I'm not referring to the G-rated jig as seen in the opening credits of the 90's TV sit-com "Friends." I'm more interested in slow-motion, screaming-sex exhibitionism, best exemplified by Sherilyn Fenn in her party seduction scene from the 1993 dark obsession film "Boxing Helena."



Original Fountain Song (Boxing Helena)
Uploaded by Meowbay

What a saucy temptress. Mmmmrroooooooowwwwwww!

So I'm publicly appealing to the Hollywood, Bollywood, and Any-other-wood elite to please bombard the movie-eating public with more scenes of women in fountains. I promise you - we can handle it or, gosh darn, we'll do our best trying! We're up for THAT struggle! So, please overwhelm us ........ so much so, that one day in the future, we just might lament to our friends, "Yup, there's yet another sultry, must-see film with the obligatory woman-in-a-fountain scene. Sigh - I miss the simple j-crush......."

Earth's Largest Instrument

David Byrne, ex-frontman of the Talking Heads, has rigged up the landmark Battery Maritime building in NYC and transformed it into the world's largest instrument, played with a keyboard. Fantastic! Among other things, wires and pipes run from the back of the keyboard to different parts of the building, causing parts of the infrastructure to creak, moan, rumble, howl and more. I've heard a bit of the results and I'd liken it to the spooky sounds of monsters in a basement dungeon. Not for everyone of course, but Byrne obviously continues to produce innovative sound projects. Best of all, you can play the keyboard and participate in this noisy adventure yourself! Closes Aug 10, 2008. You can read more here.

Simmons on Girls for Hire

Gene Simmons, of KISS fame, has an upcoming book entitled "Ladies of the Night: A Historical and Personal Perspective on the Oldest Profession in the World." Co-written with Julie McCarron, the book begins "back in the day" with cave culture (Babe, why don't you hunt for that wooly mammoth this morning and I will ROCK your world tonight) and progresses all the way to where we find ourselves today. I just might pick up a copy, if only to better understand how the public's perception of the dance has changed over the millenia. Credit goes to Simmons for approaching the topic as a matter of self-empowerment for women. You can read an interview with Gene about the book here and pre-order the book via Amazon. Release date: July 7, 2008.

Doll parts

Plastic baby doll centipedes. Down right spooky! This toddlerpede comes from the deliciously deviant mind of artist Jon Beinart. You can read more about the artist here. I especially like the worn-out, greying head. Frankly, I'd look a bit angry too if I had 34 arms.

Dinner on a Crane

While some are feeding at the newest have-to-be-seen-there supper club, others are choosing to dine while dangling from a crane, and paying quite a high pence for the experience. It brings new weight to the phrase "Oooopps, I dropped my fork" and the all-too-common "I need to use the little girls' room" because that entire table is heading back down to earth, if you can't hold it any longer. http://www.dinnerinthesky.com/

A Billboard for the Panty Peekers

If you love to see something you probably shouldn't, especially when it involves a woman's silky lingerie, then this billboard is for you! With a particularly strong gust, her skirt flies up and you can sneak a peek. Rapturous joy - panty lover! :)

Surfing in the City

There's a surf spot in Munich. Who knew? It's a particular point in a man-made wash where the water flows up to create surfable waves. It's similar to those small current pools people swim in or a wave pool, except it happens naturally. One surfer at a time and I bet that water's FREEZING! You can read more about it here.

Silent Disco

A roomful of writhing, beautiful people and you can still whisper sweet nothings into your night's latest hottie. I LOVE IT! Silent Disco is a club concept where every dancer wears wireless headphones to hear music. Take the headphones off and you see a roomful of people wiggling, breathing hard and not caring about how they look. Wow!